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(1) Legal capacity of the contracting parties who must be a male and a female, 18 years old and above without any impediment to get married (ones considered by law and society incestuous, really) (2) Consent freely given in the presence of the solemnizing officer. (3) Authority of the solemnizing officer (only incumbent member of the judiciary; priest, rabbi, imam, or minister of any church or religious sect duly authorized by his church or religious sect and registered with the civil registrar general; ship captain or airplane chief, military commander of a unit to which a chaplain is assigned, in the absence of the latter, during a military operation only in marriages at the point of death; and consul-general, consul or vice-consul only between Filipino citizens abroad are authorized by law to solemnize marriage) |
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Marriages take many forms in the Philippines: a church wedding in white for Christians; a civil ceremony or registry marriages by a judge, mayor, or minister, weddings in ethnic cultural communities, and the new phenomenon of “mass weddings” on special occasions. *a civil wedding by the sea Although a civil marriage performed by a justice of the peace is legitimate, most brides and grooms in the Philippines prefer a church wedding as the same is sanctioned by the Catholic Church. The preparations called for in this kind of a wedding, assuming all the prerequisites of the law have been complied with, are the following: |
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The Filipino way of courtship is probably among the most romantic in the world. TRADITION Courting under Filipino tradition gives very big importance on the value of respecting the woman and her family and strictly adhering with proper rules set by society for pursuing a lady. This practice which dates back to the Spanish times prohibits men to be very aggressive or becoming even when they want the lady very much. One cannot just talk and approach a lady in the street and ask her number or address. If a young man sees a lady he likes he should seek out the help of a go-between, usually a common friend of both family, to ask the permission of the girls father whether he can visit them in their house. This is the gentlemanly thing to do so the parents will most likely approve unless of course the lady is just a child. When the approval is obtained, the suitor can then come to the house with the go-between who will initiate the introductions to the family. The parents in turn will introduce their daughter to the gentleman. In this stage, the suitor is expected to bring “pasalubong” or gifts to the family and a special one to the girl he likes. This he will have to do everytime he visits the girl’s house. In the Philippines, when you court a lady, you have to court her whole family as well. In this first visit, the couple will not be left alone on their own to get to know each other. It will just be an informal chatting and introduction and getting-to-know stage between the suitor and the family and making clear of the suitor’s intention to pursue the host’s daughter. |
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I was having this conversation with my husband one day. He said while he was out, there were 3 girls who came over and told him they recognize him from somewhere. Turns out they were crew from the restaurant we use to frequent before in Orchard road. They had a little chat, they told him they we’re working on the new restaurant nearby and left. After that, he added “they we’re very nice but he wasn’t really interested in them”. I laughed so loud at this and he was puzzled. Obviously, he mistook the girls’ friendliness as “chatting him up”. I can’t blame him. These days it will be a bit confusing for western men to tell the motive of a girl especially since most movies shows an innocent conversation with someone as “wanting to go to bed”. Maybe that is the case in the west but certainly not in Asia especially not the Philippines. |
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I do not mean to be preachy about this because I know different people have different personalities. As a Filipina married to a foreign man, I think there is a need to write a few more pointers on how to keep a Filipino-Western marriage alive. I know and I’ve read the book “Men are from mars and women are from venus” and although it explains a lot about the stereotypical traits of men, there are still a lot to be explained of in both sides. Men from different cultures behave in some ways differently from men in other cultures. |
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In the Philippines free love and pre-marital sexual relationship is not recognized and accepted. Society imposes strong pressures against premarital sexual relations. This pressure may be attributed to the strong influence of Christianity. Furthermore the reasons for the existence of the taboo are the following: |
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The following items are used in traditional Filipino weddings to represent the aspirations of the couple and their families on the future of the marriage: CANDLE- is said to light the way of the couple in their married life, especially in times when they need to make a difficult decision. It is a symbol of hope in times when the couple is going through rough times. COINS (Arrhae)- is symbolizes bounty, wealth and prosperity in the marriage. The act of transferring the coins(arrhae) from the hands of the groom to the cupped hands of the bride is a sign of commitment from the groom to look after the marriage by providing for the family in every way he can. By doing this, he makes a promise that he will make sure that his family will be secure in the future. The acceptance by the wife is a commitment that she recognizes her duty as “keeper of the purse” in the family. She makes a commitment to help her husband in providing for the family needs by budgeting the needs of the family wisely. |
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Matchmaking Dates are, generally speaking, projected through pals and relatives. Filipinos revel in matchmaking. They are always trying to hitch their buddys and family members. Families and mates ask each other for dates. Friends would often come to you and say “I’ve got a date for you”. If a young man has his eye on a girl, he can get a mutual friend to arrange a date with her. Blind dates are very common. In these age of technology, more and more youngsters are drawn to meet ups or “eyeballs”. This is also a form of blind date where textmates, or internet chatmates decide to meet after corresponding for a certain period of time. Although parents do not actually approve of this mode of dating because of the risks involved and it is not really in accordance with the conduct of a “dalagang Pilipina” (proper Filipina lady) , more adventurous and liberated Filipino youths still try to venture into it. |
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The Querida System What divorce is to the Westerners, querida system is to a few Filipino males. This is a way of life wherein a married man maintains a mistress, sometimes to the extent of including a second home. The Filipino married male who keeps a querida provides the mistress subsistence and goes home to her once in a while but he is ever careful to keep the relationship a secret from his lawful wife. If his mistress bears him a child, he usually supports the bastard but is very careful not to acknowledge the child’s paternity. This is not only because his wife might discover it but also because he might be accused of immorality especially if he is a government official or employee with civil service eligibility. This behavior is generally considered “normal” since it goes along with the concept of “machismo.” The “machismo” complex somehow encourages the Filipino male to take on a sexual role which could only be verified by the peer group to which he belongs in terms of the number of affairs he maintains and children he sires either with his legitimate wife or his mistresses. In fact, it is not surprising to find a laborer or jeepney driver earning hardly P300 a month, to have two or three kabits (mistresses). For the mistress, having a child means a sure source of income. A man may not support his mistress but he can be coerced into supporting the child. Since being a mistress is a temporary affair wherein youth is dissipated in the process, without a child, she gets into a pitiful situation in old age. |
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In the past, a divorce granted in a foreign country in favor of a couple who was previously-married in the Philippines was not recognized by the Philippine Courts. When applied to a marriage between a foreigner and a Filipino, a foreigner spouse who had successfully obtained a divorce outside of the Philippines can freely remarry while the Filipino spouse is still considered married to her thus cannot remarry. It was clearly a very unfair rule. However, the law may be harsh but it is the law (dura lex sed lex). This law has now been amended under Article 26 of the New Family Code of the Philippines: |
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The Filipino society has lived through a culture of insecurity for centuries and this has affected the Filipino’s values regarding sex. This feeling of insecurity and uncertainty has made Filipinos realize that the only assurance of security available to him is that which if offered within and by his family. |
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