CULTURAL CONTRAST BETWEEN FILIPINOS & THE WEST

[tag]Filipinos compared with Westerners[/tag], elects a "structured'' lifestyle as compared to one who can be bold of his own distinctiveness. Most Westerners will find Filipinos less autonomous and more dependent; reason being the general visualization of the Filipino self-esteem. His theory of self is associated with his family. A classic example would be that a child would not be able to easily choose a course to take in college without his/her family’s say on the matter. In the west you can often hear youngsters saying they will go to acting school or arts school, the same is not easy in the Philippines without meeting your family’s disapproval. Ultimately, the family prevails. From his minority, a Filipino is made to believe that he belongs to the family. He is encouraged to share all of his thoughts and feelings to his parents and yield to their rule, counsel and advice. He is instructed to be good because any disgrace that he commits on himself is a disgrace to the family. In times of misfortune he is assured of his family's support, sympathy and love.

By Western standards, Filipino parents can be considered overprotective and sometimes meddling or intrusive. But if one understands this supposedly excessive control in the context of the Philippine culture where there is a belief in the primacy of the extended family being the only source of emotional, economic, and moral support, one will be more tolerating of such actuations. Who would want to lose the “wind beneath their wings” anyway, huh?

In the Philippines as maybe in a few other countries, smooth interpersonal relationship (SlR) is the rule of conduct. One must, at all times, avoid showing signs of hostility when relating to a Filipino. As much as possible he must never show a sour look nor utter harsh words. One must never disagree openly. A smile, a friendly lift of the eyebrow (both eyebrows), a pat on the back, a squeeze of the arm, a word of praise or a friendly concern can easily win the friendship of a Filipino.

Filipinos compared with Westerners are a lot more sensitive and easily humiliated, locally-termed “balat sibuyas” or onion skin (comparing the sensitivity of Pinoys to onion skin). One must never ridicule a Filipino. He considers with an exalted deal of resentment a ridicule coming from a foreigner or stranger (meaning a Filipino who does not come from the same place or region), though not so much from a fellow Pinoy or townmate. According to Dr. Lourdes V. Lapuz, "Filipinos less often kill family members than do Americans, but they more often kill strangers, again in situations in which momentary difficulties in interpersonal relations develop, Filipinos are sensitive to hard words and aggressive behavior."

Another cultural trait of Filipinos is that of being a poor loser or one who is unable to take defeat gracefully. If he wins, he is exceedingly jubilant; but if he loses, he is exceedingly bitter. In athletics, he is deeply sports-minded but tends to be unsportsmanlike because of this behavior. To a lot of Filipinos, to be defeated is to be humiliated. Thus, when a pinoy loses, he is apt to put up an excuse or alibi or when what is at stake is a much bigger price, defeat could lead to a more serious consequence which is redeeming one’s wounded pride “in any way they can”. The reason for this Filipinos’ attitude towards defeat is the colonial and unfortunate experience suffered by them during the Spanish era during which they have always been relegated to the rank of inferiors. The experience has made the Filipinos profoundly sensitive as persons. Thus, for the Filipinos, defeat is a sign of inferiority and subordination. An alibi or excuse when one loses is a defense mechanism against accepting the superiority and dominance of the winner.

Westerners tend to regulate their contact with Filipinos by failing to observe the gap; Filipinos tend to regulate their contact with Westerners by a clear recognition that differences exist and a shallow and incurious notion of what these consist of. Filipinos limit their contact with the Westerners in their midst partly by shifting to the Tagalog dialect, and by a variety of other defensive measures whereby they try, understandably, to evade the view of difference.

Analyzing the meaning of Filipino actuations based on Western motives and values is not possible. Their behavior must be interpreted in the light of Filipinos’ own habits, motives and values. A good example would be the difference in handling of demise in the family. Western funerals requires silence and stiff decorum; they require that the privacy of the bereaved be respected since they are supposed to want to be alone and includes a suspension of all references to the material facts of every day for example food and money. The Filipinos "[tag]paglalamay[/tag] '' or "vigil'', on the other hand, is the exact opposite of this. In the Philippines, the body of the deceased is laid out in a coffin, placed in the funeral parlor or in the family's house, the relatives gather, people come and go, express condolences and contribute money for the funeral expenses. There is hustle and bustle of activities, people standing by and gossiping; young boys and ladies play word games and flirt at the door; there’s gambling tables set up and food served, with general merriment, singing and guitar-playing going on throughout the night.

Westerners' handling of bereavement requires that the bereaved person should not be reminded of what has happened, not be asked to talk about it. Tact requires that the name of the deceased person be mentioned only with extreme circumspect, that the details be glossed over, and the emotions not re-aroused. Filipino way of handling bereavement is exactly the opposite way. Filipinos would express sympathy and concern by asking specific factual questions and the primary assumption about those who have suffered a loss is that they should not be left alone. A Westerner should not be scandalized if a Filipino friend starts asking detailed facts about the dead such as "How did he die?", "Did he suffer much?'' , "How much did you spend at the hospital?", etc. This is the Philippine-born way of saying "We were so sorry to hear that your father died. He is just genuinely trying to express concern and affection. Click here to learn more about [tag]Filipino funeral[/tag] practices.

The Catholic orientation of the Filipinos makes him handle death and birth as ordinary familiar experiences while most Westerners treat grief with silence and repressed feelings. Thus, in their handling of doom, Filipinos might be characterized by Westerners as "brutally frank'' while Westerners may be characterized by Filipinos as euphemistic and indirect. The Filipino tolerance for the rhythms of life is deeply healing.

While there is a degree of uniformity of [tag]Philippine culture[/tag] throughout the country, there are still sub-cultural differences which affect the meaning of behavior and values. For example, if a lowland Filipino young man or young woman who has lived with their parents all their lives announces that they are going to live on their own this would be taken as a sign of rebellion against parental authority. But to the Bontoc tribe, the practice of the young sleeping in separate buildings is a normal. This indicates that in a particular cultural setting, some traits are right because they work in that setting, while others are wrong because they would clash painfully with some elements of the culture.

About the author:

Aileen Borja-Slark is a Filipina entrepreneur married to a British national. She has a degree in Law and Political Science and writes for Filipino-Western Relationships.

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