I was having this conversation with my husband one day. He said while he was out, there were 3 girls who came over and told him they recognize him from somewhere. Turns out they were crew from the restaurant we use to frequent before in Orchard road. They had a little chat, they told him they we’re working on the new restaurant nearby and left. After that, he added “they we’re very nice but he wasn’t really interested in them”.

I laughed so loud at this and he was puzzled. Obviously, he mistook the girls’ friendliness as “chatting him up”. I can’t blame him. These days it will be a bit confusing for western men to tell the motive of a girl especially since most movies shows an innocent conversation with someone as “wanting to go to bed”. Maybe that is the case in the west but certainly not in Asia especially not the Philippines.

I was having this conversation with my husband one day. He said while he was out, there were 3 girls who came over and told him they recognize him from somewhere. Turns out they were crew from the restaurant we use to frequent before in Orchard road. They had a little chat, they told him they we’re working on the new restaurant nearby and left. After that, he added “they we’re very nice but he wasn’t really interested in them”.

I laughed so loud at this and he was puzzled. Obviously, he mistook the girls’ friendliness as “chatting him up”. I can’t blame him. These days it will be a bit confusing for western men to tell the motive of a girl especially since most movies shows an innocent conversation with someone as “wanting to go to bed”. Maybe that is the case in the west but certainly not in Asia especially not the Philippines.

Although there is a growing number of confident and liberated Filipinas, the vast majority of Filipinas are still conservative and reserved. It is actually unimaginable to an average Filipina to approach a guy they really like or even introduce themselves. The term “chatting him up” does not apply to girls in our country. It is considered highly inappropriate for girls to do so. Only girls who are ultra modern and those with very strong personality can do that and more often than not, girls who do this are considered “up to no good”.

This is because traditionally, (from the Spanish times up to the late 60’s) Filipinas are courted inside the house. It is considered highly inappropriate to talk to a lady in the street or to go out on a date without asking permission from the girl’s parents and not without a chaperone.

This practice has of course evolved and we can now go out with friends, ladies have not gone as bold and liberated as approaching men themselves for a date. Actually, in most cases, when a Filipino man courts a Filipina, she is expected to refuse first or show restraint no matter how much she likes him. That might not make sense but that is our tradition. We are taught by our parents that marriages are bound to last longer this way and husbands would treasure their wives if they are made to work hard to get them. We do not have to lower ourselves for one man because there are lots of men around and only the worthy should have us.

Most Filipinas who have married foreigners do not experience this because we know in the first place it is not right to impose this practice on them as we presume they do not know anything about our culture. They might find it weird and impolite if we would start avoiding or refusing them on their first approach, won’t they? Besides we are aware that it isn’t in their nature to purse a lady like a Filipino man would.

But anyway, I wrote this just so western man would understand that if they ever come to Asia and a friendly Asian lady comes up and talk to them, that does immediately mean they want to sleep with you. Of course it would depend on where you are isn’t it? This doesn’t make sense if you are in somewhere like Makati Ave., because we know they totally do and it’s for a fee. hehehe!

I might have to add, when you go out with a Filipina on a first date and you don’t get a kiss, don’t feel bad and don’t interpret it as “she doesn’t like you” because she might do. Again this has something to do with reserve and conservatism. Sometimes even couples don’t kiss in public because as a rule public displays of affection is frowned upon. But you can lighten up later on. Just not on the first date. Besides, we believe in taking things slowly.

To be honest, we are a bit appalled by the girls in the west who goes to bed immediately on their first dates. As you can see we give very high value to ourselves which, in the long run, would be good. Wouldn’t it be good to know that your wife would not easily give herself up to anyone when you’re not around?

But then again, for every rule there is an exception and you know what I mean by that….