Filipino And His Amor Propio

Deciphering The Filipino Smile
Filipinos are big on smiles. .....

"Amor propio" is Spanish word which means self –love; a sense of self-esteem or self respect that prevents a person from swallowing his pride. It includes sensitivity to personal insult or affront. A slight remark or offensive gesture, though insulting, would not trigger a sense of “amor propio”. The stimulus that sets it off is only that which strikes at the Filipino's most highly valued attributes. For example, an abandoned wife will refuse to seek financial support from a husband who has abandoned her no matter how financially destitute she is on this principle. Amor propio in short means ego defensiveness, dignity or one’s personal pride akin to the traditional oriental attitude of having 'face'.

In Philippine society, building up one's self-esteem is essential, and to this end amor propio in all respect reinforces the Filipino trait “hiya”.

The Value Of Shame (“Hiya”) To Filipinos

To damage another person's amor-propio is to invite conflict, even violence; a Filipino is prevented by "hiya" from placing a person's self-esteem in jeopardy For example, a bride who stoods up a groom in the altar places the latter’s “amor propio” at risk and could lead to a conflict between the families of both.

A person whose breach of conduct, such as the bride in the above example, is deemed to have lost him self-esteem or "amor-propio" may receive the judgment: 'Basang basa ang papel niyan sa amin'. ('His public image is shattered with us.') A literal translation makes reference to one's 'paper' being 'wet', allusions to 'image' being presented before the public being 'all wet'. Her act is said to be “nakaka-hiya” or shameful.

Unlike in the West where there is only wrong and right and a person only needs to feel guilty if he is wrong, hiya operates even when the person is absolutely right and the other person wrong. This is because of the Filipino interaction between “hiya” and “amor propio” . Like for example, a person may hesitate to collect a long overdue financial debt or item borrowed because to raise the matter face to face may place a person's amor-propio at risk and can cause the latter to flare up. Public confrontation can lead to violence. Filipinos avoiding open confict as matter of amor-propio and honour.

Now if you are wondering why a Filipino hesitates to bring up a problem, or point out that “your slip is showing”, or call your attention to an anomalous situation, remember that it is hiya in operation. Filipinos feel uneasy if they are instrumental in making waves, rocking the boat and exposing someone's volatile amor-propio to injury.

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To avoid further confrontation and damage to one’s “amor propio”, the best solution one can resort to is to get a “go between”. Read the importance of a “go between” in the Filipino society click here.