I do not think this article should be left as a joke to be laughed about. Yes it seems really funny because the author of it seems very observant about his Filipina wife. I admire the Filipina lady for encouraging her husband to write this article and highlight these quirks which are “uniquely Filipina”. But it shouldn’t have ended there. I think, as a Filipina, we need to explain a lot of these things, whether or not they’re true and if they are, then the reasons behind. Reading this article without understanding the reasons would leave the readers rather doubtful and might paint an actually negative picture of Filipina ladies. Yes some of it is an exaggeration but how can one really tell? So here it is:

This joke was found on the Internet and has circulated and been forwarded many times over via email. Foreigners planning to marry Filipinos should note that these are exaggerations, but they will somehow get the idea. It was written by an American man who loves his Filipina wife despite what follows.)

your refrigerator is always full but you cannot find any food that you recognize. – this is bound to happen because she’s foreign, isn’t it? Unless you sit down and tell her what you expect her to prepare for you, she would buy/prepare food that is familiar to her. This does not always happen when you marry a Filipina who is actually aware of what she is getting into before you got married, meaning, there should have been enough time to acquaint yourselves with your personalities. It is only fair to expect that she had been interested enough to learn about you, your culture, including your food before you got married and likewise.

instead of a dowry, you got the whole bill for the wedding and honeymoon. – as I have explained in my other article “Things To Consider Before Marrying A Filipina”,in our culture, dowry is actually given by the groom’s family. The man generally shoulders the cost of the wedding, that’s traditional; except when you are marrying an ultra modern girl from the city who insists on sharing a portion of it. But a man is generally expected to refuse because it mirrors his capacity to support his family in the future.

most of the decorations in your house are made of wicker. – It depends on your wife’s taste isn’t it? Does not apply to all. If you find your house bedecked with wickers maybe she is just proud of her heritage. But more modern Filipina girls would just settle of a couple of Asian ornaments in their houses and have the rest as modern.

you are expected to be able to read her mind just by watching her eyebrows move up and down and which way her lips are pointed. - This is so true. Sometimes we forget that we’re married to a man from a different culture that might not be aware of our gestures and their meanings. Filipino men knows all about this and need not be oriented but I would advise western men to really try and learn them and their meanings as you will be seeing these facial expressions and body gestures all the time. Perhaps I should make another article regarding this. But written explanation would simply not do. I will have to do a video demo of it.

all her relatives think your name is Joe. – Filipino without formal education have this notion actually. This is from the word ‘GI Joe”. They do not actually think your name is Joe but for lack of knowledge on how to address western men and since most of them think Mister is too formal, they will just settle for the word “Joe” which is how the American soldiers were addressed back then. Another misconception, a lot of uneducated Filipinos think all Caucasians are Americans. This is not the case if you marry into an educated Family because educated Filipino families actually know proper decorum.

the instant you are married you have 3000 new close relatives that you can’t tell apart. – This is true. Filpino families are big and they are extended to the nth degree. Prepare yourself to meet several sets of grandparents, a hundred aunties and uncles and cousins and second cousins and, their childrens! It’s quite normal for a western man not to be able to tell them apart at first because relatives usually have a resemblance to each other which might be a bit uncanny for a western people. But you’ll eventually get use to them and be able to tell them apart in time.

your house isn’t really on fire, but there is a very charred fish right on top of the stove burner. – yeah we come from an archipelago so we like fish & grilled fish especially when it’s stuffed with tomatoes and onions. But we don’t do very charred fish. That’s almost charcoal, hello! If you don’t have a grill where is she suppose to grill? At least she didn’t put 3 large rocks and lit herself a fire in your backyard just for 1 fish!

all the desserts are sticky and all the snacks are salty. - Well this is a bit exaggerated. Yes we do have sticky desserts but not all desserts are sticky. We have leche flan for example and gelatins and fruit salads, etc. What’s been said about snacks being salty is actually not true. Maybe you are referring to junk foods which aren’t even considered snacks in our country. That is maybe your wife’s personal choice. Truth is, in our country, anything that is served infront of you which does not have rice accompanying it is actually a snack. The main meal is always served with rice. If you are served spaghetti and chicken that is considered a snack you can expect there will be a main meal to follow after that. So, you could have breakfast with rice at 7am, then you can have burger and fries at 9:30 as snack, lunch is served around 12 with rice, then maybe spaghetti at 3:30; after that dinner at maybe 7 or 8 with rice and some people still eat midnight snack at around 9:30 or 10. We eat a lot (at least 5-6 times a day). Of course it depends on whether one has money to buy food but this is the norm.

she eats her fruit with giant salt crystals and her fried chicken with ketchup. – We don’t eat all fruits with salt. Only a few like green mangos and starfruit. Yes we like ketchup with fried chicken.

even the ketchup tastes weird . . . very weird. -Well we have different varieties of ketchup. It all depends on one’s taste. We have sweet ketchup and regular ones. Also, tomato sauce is different from ketchup.

you throw a party and everyone is fighting to chop the leathery skin off a dead pig. – We call this “lechon” which is one of the delicacies in our country. I have to apologize if western people find this a little vile. I didn’t know that western men do not like being served visible meat parts myself until my husband told me just a year ago (which was 3 years after we were married). This is one of our traditional food so I guess you just have to deal with it. Hehehe! You don’t have to eat it if you don’t like.

all your kids have 4-5 middle names.* - This is not really the normal practice. Maybe his wife is trying to be more modern. Most Filipinos have 1 or 2 names. By the way, for the benefit of the British, the term “middle name” in our country is not the same as middle name in the UK. In the Philippines, middle names actually refer to your mother’s maiden name or in case of married girl bearing her husband’s surname; the middle name is her maiden family name. So technically, one cannot have 2 middles names in the Philippines. You can only have 1, which is either your mother’s maiden name or unmarried family name. The names that come before that are called Forenames.

your in-laws take 10 years to acknowledge your existence and to call you by something other than “that white guy.” - No this is not true. As I have explained, when you marry a Filipina, you gain yourself a whole new family and when one is considered as a family they will not be called “that white guy”. This only happens when rules of proper courtship and asking parents approval was bypassed by the child when she got married. If one does not acknowledge the family, the family especially the parents would hardly be fond of you, won’t they? But when they accept you, they will embrace you wholeheartedly as a son without any reservation.

you try to call her up on the phone and someone tells you “for a while” and you want to know “for a while, what??” - Oh I know. This is a classic. I won’t even deny or justify.

you are trying to go to sleep and she keeps asking for the comFORT’r, and you ain’t got a clue what she’s talking about . . . – Americans know what comforters are, it’s just an accent problem. It’s called a duvet in the UK but I didn’t know this either until I got there.

your first Christmas present is some funny looking baggy see-thru shirt made out of leftover lace doilies. – I don’t understand this actually because I personally won’t do it. Filipinas don’t give presents like this. It’s called personal taste and does not characterize Filipinas in general.

your phone bills are all international and average 3 hours per call. – True and I’m guilty of it as well. But try to understand this, if you grow up in a place where everybody knows you, you have so many friends and your family is like on of the biggest families in town and then you find yourself in a very isolated place abroad, what would you do? Normally you’ll miss your old family and would always want to get in touch. Tip: set up free voip like skype then they can talk all day long and see each other on the webcam without you paying a cent.

she sweeps with something that witches usually fly around on. – Hahaha! We have soft broom for sweeping dust and little dirt and bard broom (as described) to remove dust and trapped dirt on crevices and cracks on the floor. This is typically provincial. City girls don’t use this very often.

her idea of classy, expensive champagne is Asti Spumante – Excuse me, there are actually lots of Filipinas with good taste! It upsets me because it’s a typical stereotyping of Filipinas being a bit naïve and stupi. Not all Filipinas are naïve. A lot of them are actually educated and are exposed to “good things” as well. If one does not know what champagnes are, the question to ask is, where did she come from?

the rice cooker is on 24 hours a day and uses up 50% of your electric and food budget.– oh I know this to be so true!

on your first trip to the Philippines, you have 18 giant boxes that weigh 1000 pounds each and your “carry on” luggage requires a small forklift truck. The same luggage is over filled with things that cost an average of 15 cents each like old magazines and M&Ms - the worst part is when you get off the plane, the same stuff you’ve been hauling around half way around the world is available in every store in the airport for half the price!- I see this a lot at the airport actually and I am not in favor of it. I understand Filipinas need to bring “pasalubong” (gifts) to their relatives and friends when they come home as part of our customs but I don’t understand the need for hauling second hand cheap stuff all the way from the west to the Philippines. I mean the cost of carrying these boxes could be a lot more than the cost of their contents. Besides, if they want second hand clothes and magazines why don’t they go to second hand clothes shops that are in the country. Most of the clothes being sold there comes from the west so why bother? I understand the bulk of things these Filipinas carry home especially those who haven’t been home for years and years. They would like to please their families and friends and show them how successful they have been abroad but bringing second hand cheap things hardly spells success does it? But anyway, it wouldn’t matter if the recipients would be from poor families who in the first place cannot tell the difference. It’s different when you come from a prominent/meticulous family who would not be happy to get second hand clothes no matter the number. I fly to the Philippines 4-5 times a year and of course I adhere to the custom of “pasalubong” but I limit myself to my immediate family and my friends. I do not think I have to give all of the people in our street. Besides, if I do that, I would go broke. So when I come home, it’s enough for me to drop by the duty free, pick up a few signature perfumes and cosmetics and chocolates for pasalubong and that’s it. My sisters are actually happier this way than to get loads of used clothes and boxes of Folgers coffee. Hehehe! So no giant boxes, no please!

all her pajamas look like they were worn by the Dalai Lama until they got too faded. – She’s either exercising thrift or the pajamas have sentimental value on her. If she’s married to you and you can afford to buy her a pajama and you did but she still insists on using her old ones, it might have sentimental value to her. If you haven’t bought her one despite how she looks then you don’t have a reason to complain. Hehehe!

the first time she’s pregnant you have to go out at 4:00 in the morning looking for some weird type of greasy sausages, green mangoes and bagoong. - This is true. We have something called “Paglilihi” which is a point in the early pregnancy years where a lady craves for something very badly (food or otherwise) and hypersensitiviy to a lot of things like smell, etc. Since we are very supersititious, it is believed that in order for the child to come out all right, the husband should always grant her wish. It is also believed that whatever the pregnant women craves upon during this period will have bearing on the child’s physical appearance. For example, if a lady craves for white things or white food, they believe the child will come out fair-skinned. So if a person looks a little monkeyish, people will most probably say her mother might have developed a fondness of monkeys when she was pregnant with her. hehehe! The cravings are actually not deliberate and oftentimes they come during unreasonable times. But as I have said, husbands should know better than to say no to a pregnant woman for fear of the baby coming out with physical defects. So if a lady requests for red mangoes in the middle of the night, you better get up and look for the reddest mango you can find.

You buy a new $500 freezer so she can store 200 pounds of SPAM and CORNED BEEF that was on sale. - I would like to roll my eyes out because this does not apply to all Filipinas or to most of us. That’s like marrying someone from the mountains who doesn’t even know what refrigerators are for! Ok Filipinos are fond of bargains and sales but we’re not that clueless as to stuff our fridges with canned goods. I wonder where in the Philippines he got his wife from. I mean our maid who is from a very remote part of the country knows this basic stuff, why doesn’t she?

everything in your house was bought on sale, even if you don’t need it .. as long as it was a “bargain” is all that matters. - This has a little something to do with the preceding number, isn’t it? Filipinos are sensible and we do not believe in unnecessary spending if we can help it so it is unlikely that one will start buying things they don’t need. The term ‘EVERYTHING” is also too much of an exaggeration. We do not buy “everything” in our houses from a sale. But then again, it is a question of your wife’s background, education and breeding. There are plenty of Filipinas who were brought up properly by conservative puritanical upbringing and these type of girls actually have good breeding and taste in things. Of course if your wife comes from the lowest strata of the Filipino society, chances are she’s never been exposed to any form of luxury. She might even prefer to eat from plastic plates and glasses and stuff, which, is not common practice.

she gets really excited by sucking the fat out of pig knees.- Ok so a lot of us do this. As I have explained in the past, we do serve visible meat parts and some of our dishes are actually enjoyed this way but only inside the house and only infront of a person you are very comfortable with who will never judge you like your immediate family. No one eats this way in public or even infront of their friends as it is considered very bad manners.

your daughter gets her ears pierced when she’s 2 minutes old but your sons are not circumcised until they turn 21. - The first bit could be true to a lot of Filipinos. We do get piercing early on but it hasn’t been practiced much these days. With circumcision, boys don’t actually wait until they’re 21 otherwise he will run the risk of being teased for being uncircumcised. Circumcision is actually done in the boys early teen years. Going through this is like going through battle for young boys and they do actually flaunt this achievement. Anyone who’s not been through it is called names. Anyway, why compare ear piercing with circumcision; one is bound to be made later because it involves a very delicate part of the body. It doesn’t make sense to compare.

all your postage bills instantly double. - It’s possible but why? Haven’t you heard of the thing called “internet”? you hire a yaya because your wife thinks you clean mirrors with soap and a sponge and the yaya seems cheaper than a divorce. - My comment here is: the end does not justify the means. You mean she will hire a nanny just so you can have clean mirrors? Why can’t she do it? And why consider divorce in this instance? It all seems so shallow. Actually, families in the Philippines who have the means to pay really do hire househelp. Househelper’s salary is quite cheap in the Philippines so if one can afford it, why not?

the only “white meat” she likes is You, and that’s if you’re lucky . . .- yeah right her favorite sauce is called patis, Americans call it turpentine. - “patis” or fish sauce is more of a cooking ingredient and not spread all over the food as you would a normal sauce in the west. It can be used as a dip for grilled fish or some other dishes but only in very small doses. It is not however, turpentine!

she actually thinks that bowling and golf and billiards are real sports and are more important than baseball and football.- Our country does not cover a lot of football and baseball games on national TV (you get them on cable TV subscription), so even if most of us have heard about these sports, still a lot do not really understand the game that much. But we do get billiards and bowling coverage on TV especially since when we have big Filipino names competing in the game so people tend to know more about it. Funny enough, majority of our population has never heard of David Beckham. But ask them the names of the NBA players and they would know.

you were married 5 years before she explained to you that “ARAY!” doesn’t mean “ooh, baby!” - I think this couple has actually a big language problem. It does not take much to define a word besides even if she fails to says this you can already infer from the intonation of the word that it does not connote anything positive.

she prefers bistek to beef steak.- I dunno what to say about this.

her idea of new upholstery is rinsing the bagoong stains out of the slip covers. - This actually irks me you know. Where did he get his wife? She seemed so hopelessly clueless and lacks refinement doesn’t she? Hey not all of us are like that!

she can eat and talk at the same time, in fact that’s her especialty! - this girl obviously doesn’t have manners and I do not think it is right to consider her an example of what Filipinas are.

her favorite meal is leftovers, her favorite fancy dessert is Jello mold and for something REALLY romantic, she’ll offer you a halo-halo with 2 straws.- Leftovers, I think I’ve covered that already in my other article “Things To Consider Before Marrying A Filipina”. With regards to the jell-o, it’s her personal choice. Many of use do not actually like jell-o. Halo-halo with 2 straws? FYI, halo halo is actually a desseert TO EAT. Yes one uses a spoon for that because it has large bits of different fruits and beans and gelatins in them. Maybe they’ve shared milkshake with 2 straws but not halo halo.

you still don’t know what’s the difference between manong and manok.- language problem again. Big difference, manong is a guy (a person). You use it to address someone not related to you like for example a taxi driver whereas, manok is a chicken. You do not address someone as “hey MANOK could you take us to glorietta?” You talk to a manong but you don’t talk to a manok.

she and the kids are always saying “Daddy made utot” and you still don’t know what it means but they think it’s pretty funny.- Filipinos are fond of using taglish which is a mixture of Filipino and english words. By the way, “utot” means fart and yes you will be laughed at if you do it in public.

other than eyebrow raising and lip puckering, her next most expressive form of communication is grunts and pssst’s - hahaha! Everyone of us is guilty of this. It is very important for a western husband to understand this because Filipinas cannot do away with expressions and gestures which has hidden meanings in them. As I have said in part I, I will need to make a video demonstration of these facial expressions and their meanings.

she goes to the movies just for the AC. - a lot of poor Filipinos do find the cinemas to be the best way of avoiding too much heat. They get to relax all they want (sleep) and get cooled by the aircon and spend only a little. Some of them spend “too warm days” in the mall because it’s free and cool.

her homeland has more Megamalls than islands. - This is true. We have plenty of malls. This is where a lot of people congregate because of the cool temperature and the shops are a feast to the eyes. You get almost everything under one roof so it serves a lot of purpose.

before every holiday and visit, her sisters fax you a 10 page “bilin” list which says “suggestion only. - true but they would not be shameless as to fax the list to you. They might ask their sisters for these things but they would never dare to ask a foreign brother-in-law. As I have said, we have pride so 10-page “suggestion” list is just out of the line.

your kitchen table has a merry-go-round in the middle. - Yes. Some people have these “lazy susan”, most of us don’t. It is not a bad thing though. You see, Filipinos do not eat by plate serving. It is more of a buffet where several foods are placed in the middle of the table and you get to share anything and everything. You just choose the food you want and put the portion that is right for you on your plate. It promotes sharing and consideration to others.

all the vegetables she buys at the Filipino store look like they were grown at Chernobyl. - I don’t know about this. Maybe the vegetables are flown from the tropics and looks wilted already when it gets to other country. I dunno. Or maybe it looks different to you because you do not have those vegetables in your country.

your in-law’s first visit lasted 5 years.- Now really, is this possible? When she flew what type of visa does she have? I am not aware of countries who grant tourist visas that long to Filipinos. If she did not come on a tourist visa then maybe her intentions were not for a visit but to settle down with you.

her friends are named Chinky, Girlie, Boy and Bimbo and you are not allowed to smirk.- It’s true. We’re also fond of funny nicknames that are repeated twice or end with “ng” like “bam-bam”, “kingking”, “bingbong”, etc.

her home economics course only taught shopping, eating and siesta; cooking, cleaning and sewing were not electives. - This explains a lot of her habits. Good schools in the Philippines give quality education. Even public schools do not teach these craps to students. I wonder where this school is, or if she really did go to school… maybe not!

her idea of edifying reading is gossip magazines. - I disagree with this very much. That is like the past time of the lowest of the lowest in the society, the types who do not own TVs because there is no electricity in the house and waits for latest Filipino comics edition. This makes me wonder what kind of conversation a western man and this kind of Pinay have. I am a Filipina but I would rather sit and read a good novel than a gossip magazine. I know the value of a good book.

all your place settings has the silverware backwards and there are no knives. - I’m afraid this is true to some Filipino families. Although I do not it myself, I know of people who do. My friends for example who came over to visit me tried to set the table this way. When my husband saw this he was puzzled because the plates and the utensils are placed face down. My friend explained to him that this will keep the plate and utensils clean and free from dust, etc while we’re waiting for the food to be served. It makes sense because Filipinas, as I have said, are meticulously clean.

she washes her hair with a bucket and her car with a broom.- It is physically impossible to clean your hair with a bucket. One might use a pail and pour water on the head from a bucket of water but buckets are too heavy to lift. I don’t know about washing the car with a broom because I’ve never seen such.

she uses an umbrella even if its not raining. - FYI, in the tropics, we use the umbrella to avoid getting wet from the rain and also to avoid the stinging heat of the sun. So it has double purpose. We do not like being exposed under the direct heat of the sun because most Filipinas are actually afraid of getting dark. We actually hate sun-bathing.

her favorite book (she has 3 copies) is “1001 New Recipes for Pig Parts You Were Gonna Throw Out” - I’ve explained this already in my other article “Things To Consider Before Marrying A Filipina”.

you are the only family in a 200 mile radius with 2 VCRs, 3 televisions. - This is true if you live in a really remote part of the Philippines and is poverty stricken. Most filipino families these days do have all the modern convenience of the west especially since a lot of electronic appliances and stuff are manufactured here in Asia and it comes cheap these days. VCR? Who uses VCR these days?

she’s done her best job planning a surprise party for you if she manages not to tell you about it until a week or two before. - - We’re like chatterboxes and oftentimes we do this. hehehe!

she “cleans” her closet by throwing all the crap into your closet. - No we don’t! That’s not a Filipina, that’s a slob!

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST: you are pretty proud of yourself because you think you snagged up for yourself some unique, rare, tropical goddess type until you go to the Philippines and can’t tell her apart from anyone else in the whole country (unless she’s taller than 5′1″, then it’s a bit easier). - This is only at first when your eyes are getting use to our features. It is unacceptable though if this occurs for a very long time or all the time. Most of us are short but we certainly do not look alike. What kind of husband are you if you can’t tell your wife apart from another?

BONUS ENCORE: it was your wife’s idea for you to write this cause she thought it was funny . . . for a while though until the list got TOO LONG!!!

What can I say? A lot of is funny because we do have some of these traits but a lot of the points raised are just NOT US but only applies to one person. It is not right to paint a picture of a Filipina based on these facts alone. Filipinas differ from each other depending on their upbringing, education, social status and environment they grew up with. There is a very big difference between a Pinay who is properly schooled and one who didn’t experience going to school; also a big difference between born rich, born in a middle class and born in a poor family. So to paint one picture of a Pinay is not right because we do vary.