After talking about the [tag]Importance of “Go-betweens” in the Filipino Society[/tag], another good way of maintaining [tag]Smooth Interpersonal Relations[/tag] (SIR) with Filipinos is by the use of euphemism or indirect criticism.

If you’re a foreigner, you would immediately label the desire to please and not to offend others. This is an exhibition of the typical [tag]Filipino euphemistic character[/tag]. This art of stating an unpleasant truth, opinion or request in as pleasant a manner as possible has long been highly prized in Philippine society and is still very highly regarded today.

It is this euphemism that makes the [tag]Filipinos smile[/tag] even when not agreeing with whomever he is smiling at and makes him say 'yes' so readily' to even a disagreeable point you made. It is not uncommon to hear the Filipino agree weakly instead of giving a flat refusal. Words like "maybe '' "perhaps" or "I'll try'' are his usual answers to questions to which a Westerner would readily say "no".

Foreigners have frequently points out that [tag]equivocation, 'white lies' and euphemistic discourse resorted to by Filipinos[/tag] to avoid unpleasant truths or embarrassment and displeasure to other people. Filipinos usually anticipates and gives the expected answer, avoiding, if possible, a negative reply. Filipinos would prefer to say they are not around rather than answer a telephone call or meet a caller with a request they know they will have to turn down.

To address a negative view and thereby avoid offense, a Filipino would say, “Please correct me if I am wrong, but don't you think that ….” Passing a negative judgment to an impersonal committee before the final rejection is very gently and gracefully made using pre-phrases to prevent negative repercussions in the end.

Even the most [tag]negative criticisms are pre-phrased[/tag] with disclaimers like: "This is just my personal opinion, but it seems to me ...", or "I think it is very good but .. ". Sometimes, to ensure negative comments are made pointed out indirectly, [/tag]”), with a pre-warning that if someone feels alluded to, he should not be offended. A popular saying is cited: “Bato-bato sa langit ang matamaan ay wag magalit” (Falling star from the sky, whoever it falls on should not be offended).

Because of euphemism, [tag]Filipinos are fond of “beating around the bush”[/tag] which might come out as pointless to a foreigner. [tag]Foreigners are very much direct[/tag] and doesn’t waste much time putting their purpose or thoughts across but Filipinos tends to avoid this as much as they can. For example, a person who come to visit to ask for a favor would first engage you in a lengthy small talk either on a pretense of not appearing like they’re asking you for a favor or that they may just waiting be for a pleasant climate for you to raise the topic and say,” ''Oh by the way, I heard you are looking for an accountant. I have a friend who is looking for a job" as if it’s just an afterthought.

Examples of Filipino euphemisms in place of negative comments are:

"siguro nga" (maybe)

"sinabi mo e" (if you say so)

"sisikapin ko" (I will try)

"pipilitin ko" (I will make an effort)

"ewan" (I don't know)

"tingnan natin" (we'll see)

"[tag]bahala na[/tag]" (see how it goes)

Lifting eyebrows without comment also means "no".

The difference between Western and Filipino social interpersonal relations is that Western culture seeks to resolve a conflict by creating confrontation where the Filipino does so by avoiding confrontation.

About the author:

Aileen Borja-Slark is a Filipina entrepreneur married to a British national. She has a degree in Law and Political Science and writes for Filipino-Western Relationships.