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Because of the interdependent society of the Philippines, interpersonal relations revolve, to a large extent, around the granting and receiving of favors. Reciprocity has developed in order to keep interpersonal relationships “smooth.” What I mean by reciprocity is that every service received, whether solicited or not, demands a return determined by the relative status of the parties involved. To Filipinos, reciprocity could be two things: |
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After talking about the [tag]Importance of “Go-betweens” in the Filipino Society[/tag], another good way of maintaining [tag]Smooth Interpersonal Relations[/tag] (SIR) with Filipinos is by the use of euphemism or indirect criticism.
If you’re a foreigner, you would immediately label the desire to please and not to offend others. This is an exhibition of the typical [tag]Filipino euphemistic character[/tag]. This art of stating an unpleasant truth, opinion or request in as pleasant a manner as possible has long been highly prized in Philippine society and is still very highly regarded today. |
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“Amor propio” is Spanish word which means self –love; a sense of self-esteem or self respect that prevents a person from swallowing his pride. It includes sensitivity to personal insult or affront. A slight remark or offensive gesture, though insulting, would not trigger a sense of “amor propio”. The stimulus that sets it off is only that which strikes at the Filipino’s most highly valued attributes. |
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To Filipinos, “pakikisama” is a very important trait. “Pakikisama” is the ability of a person to get along with others to maintain good and harmonious relationships. It implies camaraderie and togetherness in a group and the cause of one’s being socially accepted. “Pakikisama” requires someone yielding to group opinion, pressuring him to do what he can for the advancement of his group, sacrificing individual welfare for the general welfare. |
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Filipinos are generally clean people. Every Filipino child is trained from his early years to keep his person clean. At home and in school, children are taught the need for maintaining cleanliness all the time. |
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“Bahala Na” This trait means leaving everything to chance or “letting the circumstances take care of itself”. It implies fatalism under the pretext of trusting in Divine providence. By saying “bahala na”, a person resigns himself to luck as he believes the end-result depends ultimately on fate. It is a Filipino’s way of avoiding rationalization or good reason. It is the same as saying, “Que sera sera (whatever will be, will be)”. |
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Filipinos are very sensitive to personal affront. They try, as much as possible, to avoid feeling “hiya”, a painful emotion or deep shame arising from a realization of having failed to live up to the standards of the society such as a breach of social norms. It is a kind of anxiety, a fear of being left exposed, unprotected and unaccepted. It is a fear of being shunned by society, being subjected to which would mean humiliation of oneself. |
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Because of the inter-play between “hiya” and “amor propio”, face to face situations are delicately handled. An intermediary or “go-between” (locally termed as “padrino”) is needed to defuse the situation. The “go-between” makes it possible to raise matters that may have caused a person’s “hiya” or embarrassment. The person addressed by the go-between has the prerogative to turn down the request, or contradict the charges and explain his side without fear that he is threatening the amor propio of the petitioner. |
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You are driving along the motorway when suddenly a boy dashes in front of you and you hit him. What would you do? Foreigners would say, you get out and find help and apologize the boys parents. WRONG! Not in the Philippines! In instances like this it is better to pick the boy up immediately and take him to the nearest hospital. It would be very risky to linger in the site because as more village folk gather at the scene the emotional atmosphere builds up; a mob of the injured boy’s relatives could get physical. Should one find himself involved in a road accident, where a mob has started to grumble, it may be better to drive off quickly and report to the nearest police station. Village and town folks in the Philippines are of one or two kin groups’, they will definitely sympathize with the victim, who is a kin, and resent the outsider. |
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So there are times when your Filipina wife is not in her usual cheery self; she suddenly turns distant and cold. She avoids you whenever you try to talk to her or if she answers your questions, they’re only short, curt and direct “yes” or “no” without qualification. You joke and laugh but she doesn’t laugh back. Shea walks around all day with a blank look on her face. Most western men would interpret this as the wife starting to lack interest on them or the love starting to fizzle down. No, this is just a classic Filipino trait called “tampo” or the “great sulk”. |
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From my research, here are things that Filipinos find most annoying: 1. Someone who disagrees very strongly with his opinion in a discussion. 2. Fellow Pinoys who looks down on another. |
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