The Great Sulk: Tampo

So there are times when your Filipina wife is not in her usual cheery self; she suddenly turns distant and cold. She avoids you whenever you try to talk to her or if she answers your questions, they’re only short, curt and direct “yes” or “no” without qualification. You joke and laugh but she doesn’t laugh back. Shea walks around all day with a blank look on her face. Most western men would interpret this as the wife starting to lack interest on them or the love starting to fizzle down. No, this is just a classic Filipino trait called “tampo” or the “great sulk”.

Since Filipinos are not usually allowed to express anger or resentment being brought up in a very sensitive society, sublimated hostility takes the form of sulking in the presence of one who has displeased them. This is way of sending a signal for the offender to restore goodwill between them. It does not necessarily mean thought that you have to talk out the problem. Resolution will depend on the personality of the offended person but what is required is merely to show concern about the wounded person's well-being.

If the silent treatment goes unnoticed, you will notice that a more drastic measure is resorted to like make grumbling sounds, slamming doors, stomping of feet and barely audible mutterings under the breath-a to get the message across. This more open form of sulking is called “nagdadabog”. It is important to respond to these with friendly overtures in the earliest possible time or relations will deteriorate. Because of their sensitive nature, Filipinos allow a bit of time for cooling off before responding to an apology given. “Tampo” is not only applicable to lovers but to friends and families as well.

So next time your wife has a “tampo”, try to be thoughtful, bring her something to say you recognize you id something wrong (although you’re not sure what it was) and you’re sorry for it. When things are back to normal and you’re in talking terms again you can jokingly (the keyword here is “jokingly”) ask her for the cause of her mood change. A man who knows the solution to a wife’s “pagtatampo” is sure to have a lasting relationship with her.